How I Would End It All
Get ready for a grand sweeping statement:
The most disappointing thing in the whole world is the bad ending to a story.
A recent bout of bad and lacklustre endings have led me to this conclusion, with culprits across all forms of media. In TV the series ending of Doctor Who was a convoluted mess. In the book world, Horns had me hooked but ruined it all when two characters who should have been devastated by what happened to them simply walk off into the sunset, Preacher pretty much suffered from the same problem. Cinema hasn’t been safe either, The Tourist may have been god awful but it could have been turned around with an actual twist at the end (if you don’t guess the ending in the first ten minutes I will judge you.) Don’t get me started on the new ‘there is obviously going to be a sequel’ craze going on in computer games. I have just paid £40 just tell me the whole fucking story!
So as a way of venting this frustration I have chosen three endings that I feel I could have done better.
Friends
Actual Ending
The group of 30 some-things all decide to have a wonderful adult life with babies, apart from Joey (poor poor Joey.) They all leave their keys to the big purple room and leave.
What Should Have Happened
Rachel Green hears a strange noise and realises that she didn’t run out on her wedding in the first episode, she in fact ran away from the factory and is actually a cybernetic organism. This drives her insane and turns into a 40 foot tall robot that becomes hell bent on destroying Manhattan. Every one dies. The writers of Friends go down in history as creating the most memorable series ender EVER.
X Factor
Actual Ending
Mat Cardle -- the blandest man known to pop (so bland that he makes Duffy interesting,) wins X Factor and condemns the UK to at least a year of occasional live appearances and missing every singly note placed before him in a high pitched screechy fashion.
What Should Have Happened
During the final group song, Wagner, Glorious Wagner whips out his bongos in one final desperate attempt for domination. The world, hypnotised by his swaying hair and rhythmic beats collapse at their phones and uncontrollably dial a special number that allows him to win. Overcome by all this magnificent beauty Rebecca Ferguson actually learns to move and Katie exposes the ‘real her.’ The real her turns out to be a rather good pop singer and the world rejoices.
Spice Girls - Spiceworld (The Album)
Actual Ending
The Lady Is A Vamp
What Should Have Been The Ending
The Lady Is A Vamp was so clearly meant to be the first song on the album. You want proof? Look no further than the line ‘We hope you enjoy the show’ if it was meant to be the last song on an album it would say ‘We hope you enjoyED the show’ but it doesn’t it says enjoy, meaning the start! Its how it should have started! I would have suggested Viva Forever as a more natural ending to this album.
Special mentions:
The ending of Ugly Betty = perfect. The only problem was that it marked the end of a series at its high point. Although there is one more issue of Buffy Season 8, the story has pretty much ended, the last issue was pretty awesome and had the ‘oh my god’ moments only Joss Whedon can do.
Why not share with the group. What series endings have infuriated you? How would you have fixed it?
