Pretty Lady is out, Dale is Hot, The Blind can do no wrong and Alex is a Beatch… HIRRARRIOUS.
Well hello.
It’s been too long since I was last with you becuase my hands fell off after the 90 minute liveblog and my needlepoint classes… not really, it’s just it’s taken me this long to care about Big Brother! Let’s look at the facts
After the break… (warning there may be a nude pic in a bit!)
- All of the housemates are dull, dull, dull
except Kookie Monster and Alex ShoulderMcChippy - Big Brother is trying too hard… Lycra in the first week?! they’re desperate for us to care, although thank you for this…
- They’ve RUINED BBLB. No more to say, well other than it’s being presented by Mrs Potato Head and the poor man’s Alex Zane (if you can imagine shuch a thing) tho now that they’ve f**ked up X Factor by bringing in Cheryl Stoopid McCheatyHusband Cole, Dermot could be back *crosses fingers*
- Too many names! 16 is a lot to remember there are people I’ve worked with for ages who I still call “you know… her…. in accounts”
- Rex is attractive. All of a sudden.
- Kathreya is HIRRARIOUS.
- The Wedding task was a big arse waste of time.
So let’s go in depth so you can have enough information to be able to acctually join in conversations about BB without acctually having to sit through hours of paff (don’t get me started on Big Mouth, someone needs to stuff Chris Moyles’ Mouth…. oh wait they have…. well he has, fat twat, growing a beard doesn’t make you look thin, it makes you look homeless. And he has the Gaul to critisise BBLB, Alanis music please)
Wedding task FAIL!
The ‘secret mission’ where Mario had to pretend to be with beautiful Stephanie wasn’t interesting and they were found out and so went up for eviction. Nothing about this task was any good except the Stag do gave us …
PANTSGATE
Blind leading the freaks Michael took over bunny girl duties from the non Bridesmade ‘Chippy shoulder’ Girls with Gayennis and OHMIGOD Dale! who remained shirtless! There was an odd bathtime moment with bunny Dennis, BlindRabbit Micheal and Groom to be SaggyMario when they found some pants, lady pants which Micheal then HIRRARIOUSLY put on whoot and indeed woo.
Well all hell broke loose, ish. I’m sure it would have been fine if SuckyTeeth Alex (serously I thought teeth sucking was reserved for sad stereotypes) hadn’t gotten her oar in. Well she very quickly got her ticket to a booing as soon as she leaves. Apparently she ‘ain’t gonna treat him differently cus he’s blind’ sure you aren’t you’re a cunt to everyone.
Silly Lycra Task
They failed it was dull but they put them in Lycra and electricuted the housemates, bet the producers were praying clips would be put on youtube like happy slapping fun times.
Chip Gate
Rebecca (the fat one from Cov) burnt the chips, Alex (the cunt) went M E antal at her, calling her all the names under the sun. BB told her off, she’s so nominated. Rex (the Ginger Chef) will cook from now on!
Out you go Hot Blonde
Eviction today and Hottie Stephanie continues the trend of a girl being evicted first! Girls vote out the hot ones first thems the rules.
There you are peeps, I’ll be updating more often now as I’m sure there’s no way you’re watching BBLB, BBBM or god forbid listening to the talking anus Iain ‘I love the 1980s, 60s, 70s, telly, farting, old ferrets’ Lee *pukes in a bucket at the thought of his ugly horse face and tiny hair* on Big Brother’s Big Ears on Channel ‘Where are the transmitters’ 4 Radio!
Bye Bye… for now
David x
ps. the Gays have officially excommunicated Dennis from the fold. Take that pope we can do it too. nerrr
