Weirdos At the Gym
This story has no relevance to media or why we created this site but I think its the strangest tale I have been told and I would like to share it with all of you here today, so gather round and let me take you on a voyage.
The tale begins at the gym, I had finished my poor excuse of a work out (e.g. done enough to make me sweat but not so much I would ache for a week) and I was in the toilet section doing my hair all pretty and putting in a new ear ring (a red star if any one is interested) when the man next to me started saying ‘Mate. Oi Mate!’ I simply assumed that he was talking to some one else as I try not to talk or make eye contact with any one in the complex because I see them as ‘the bigger boys’ and they will hurt me. But as it turns out he was he talking to me and he asked the dreaded question ‘did you see the football last night’ my first thought was I didn’t even know they played football on a Monday but of course I didn’t say this and said I had spent the whole day in bed after being away on holiday. But this is when I think he became crazy. Read after the post break for the rest of the story which does include violence and strong language.
The man then moves swiftly on to talking about his wife (I think its important to tell you at this point that the loon started shaving at this point, and was cutting himself ALOT and didn’t seem to notice, so imagine if you will a man who’s face is dripping with blood as he talks to me) who was out in Nottingham last night (bare in mind that he said last night, that bit is important later) got cut by a gang with a bread knife, cutting the bottom eye lid and her top lip. I thought this is terrible, why are you telling me this just as I am about to go to Nottingham and why are you at the gym and not with your wife, I hadn’t cottoned on to the fact that he was not 100% at this point, how quickly I would learn.
It turns out his wife is a teacher and went back to school the next day and sadly the school children started making fun of her calling her such things as ‘scar face.’ I was engrossed in the story by this point but had not idea what to say so I just nodded my head and said a heart felt ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ at the right points so he would continue, which he did. His wife then called him understandably upset. So what else was the man to do other than leave the recording studio in London he was in with his pose of Dr. Dre and Jay- Z and beat up the children who had been saying the terrible things. And then they went on a shopping trip to London and got her lots of gold to make her a gangsta and then she promptly ‘hit the man’ he didn’t elaborate on who ‘the man’ was and I was a little worried and getting late for my train so didn’t want to ask.
His wife then went back to her apartment that night (which would have made it the future if she had only been attacked the night before) to find her apartment broken into and both of her dogs beheaded by an axe but luckily the people who did this heinous crime were caught and given 2800 years in prison. As he was saying 2800 years he spelt out the number on the mirror in front of him just incase I wasn’t keeping up re-living this story I now wonder if that was individually they got 2800 years in prison or if that was all together. By this point he had been talking to me for a full 15 minutes and I was staring helplessley at the people walking past wondering why non of them were saving me and I had only a few minutes before my train. So I plucked up all my courage and told him I had to go and started to walk away and he kept on talking, for all I know he is still in there talking away.
I must apologise if this story is true and I am making fun of it, please Dr. Dre and Jay-Z forgive me
